- / columbo .

[malvolio d'angelo .]

malvolio cesare d'angelo ,
twenty , milan university student , kellan lutz.

first of all , i'm curious as to when you were born and where. how old does that make you today ?

i was born here in milan, so naturally i’m italian, same with my mother and my father, not that i know where he is now or anything. he walked away from my mother when i was born—eighth of january, if you must know—so… i was raised by a single mother. that also makes me twenty years old, but that’s not really important—mom says she’s happy to have me in her life, happier than she’s ever been, even if my father walked out of it, so… i guess that’s a good thing.

whats your status here , exactly. can you tell us what you do for a living ?

i’m a university student studying psychology and in my spare time, i work at a bar.

and your parents , who are they and what do they like ?

my biological father is pretty much nonexistent but my step father is a really nice, rich guy. as for my mother... she's really hardworking and determined and just wants the best for me, basically.

so what about siblings , are there any other important family members ?

my mother always maintained that raising me by herself was hard enough, so she never had any other kids. but i do have a step-sister who happens to be my step father's daughter, her name's vanity and... we had an interesting relationship once.

i see , now could you tell me your favorite and least favorite things ?

i can be pissed as hell when i haven’t had my coffee in the morning, and as grumpy as… uh… grumpy from snow white when i’m tired, or things don’t go the way i planned, but overall, i’m nice. if i like you, i’ll make time for you. if you want to talk to me, sure, go right ahead. fancy catching a drink? hey, i’m game for that. i’m chilled, i guess you could say. not a lot of shit bothers me, aside from physical confrontation—what the fuck is that all about? you want to prove you’re a big man? no need to fucking hit me then, you son of a bitch, get the fuck out of my face. i don’t go around punching people to prove i’m masculine and macho and a real man and i fucking can’t stand people like that either. i don’t think you’re homosexual just because you’re not kicking me in the bollocks, mate, i think you’re homosexual because you’re walking around in a woman’s clothes, thank you very much. jesus, mary and joseph…

right... what else can i say about myself?

i’m not going to go on and on about how fucking sarcastic i am because everyone thinks being sarcastic is great these days. i have a dry sense of humour sometimes, but not everything i say is sarcastic. what is it with being fucking sarcastic anyway? after a while, it makes you look like a pretentious fag, like you can’t put any feeling or truth into whatever it is you’re fucking saying. and no, kids, it’s not cool. i hate little shits who think being sarcastic is the biggest thing since motherfucking sliced bread. i’m not sarcastic and i’m proud of it. i put feeling into what i say—if i’m not impressed, you’ll fucking know about it. you won’t have to stop and say ‘wait, are you being sarcastic?’ and wait for me to stare at you like you’re the dumbest piece of shit on the planet (which a lot of self-proclaimed sarcastic motherfuckers do—i’ve fucking seen them do it) or tell you that i’m not. no, with me… what i say is what i mean and that’s that.

yeah, girls seem to be crazy for this ‘bad boy’ image too. apparently i exude the image but… whatever, I don’t listen to what people say a lot of the time. i’m opinionated and independent and i do whatever i please. don’t like it, don’t deal with it – simple as. and apparently girls dig romance, too, which i can do. i’m not the most sensitive prat in the world – i can do flowers and a dinner date and wine and a film at mine, but those love poems and shit that some people do? nah, that’s not me. shit like that makes me feel like i’m an idiot. i saw this film where a guy dressed up as cupid to propose to his girlfriend… fuck me, i couldn’t do that. In a restaurant full of people, too—brave but stupid, as far as i’m concerned. anyway, the girl died of a heart attack in the end, or something, so… yeah, here’s some advice, kids: don’t dress up as cupid to surprise your girl. it’ll all end in tears and funerals.

when i get passionate about something, i swear like a sailor, if you haven’t noticed, and… i get restless easily. i don’t know where I’m going with this. chances are, i’m a mix and match of contradictions and a whole lot of other stuff that i can’t possibly begin to explain because i don’t quite understand it myself, so… whatever.

so what about relationships , how do you find those ?

i used to be in a relationship until the girl ran off. i hear she's back in town, but... uh, as for general relationships, i like commitment but i'm not against one night stands or flings either.

we've asked about family , significant others , but what about a pet ?

i have a mutt called kola. she's pretty much my best friend.

last but not least - your best kept secret , what is it exactly ?

i used to be in a relationship with my step-sister. scandalous, i know.

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